Here is the 44th thing I know for sure (with a couple of edits of edits made to the prior 43) – not quite as late as it may appear as this one did not fully crystallize until late August and then it was further cemented last week with the wise words of a special friend. ((And, what is time?!))
44 Things I Know for Sure
- “When people show you who they are, believe them.” –Maya Angelou
- Be intentional. Know what you’re doing and why – and own it when something does not go exactly how you intended.
- Operating out of fear creates stress and tension for you and everyone around you.
- Love is in the details.
- There are three ways to be when leaving something (a place, a job, et cetera): act like you don’t care/have a screw them mentality; act as if you’re not leaving, so that people wonder, “She knows this is her last month here, right?”; or be chill, do your best, and have only good intentions for what you’re leaving. Third option, best option. You can tell A LOT about a person by how they leave something and/or say goodbye.
- Accepting that something isn’t the right thing for you is very hard and sometimes very necessary.
- Using people’s names in conversation builds connection.
- If you can do it, do it (whatever it is – for you or for others).
- Always take the opportunity to tell someone you’re appreciative, grateful, happy, and/or better off because of him/her. (“Celebrate what you want to see more of.” –Tom Peters)
- Validate. Say thank you.
- Being truly empathetic is about showing up, listening, hearing, being there; it’s not about problem-solving.
- Technology is a tool – for efficiency, for connection. It’s not for exclusivity or rudeness.
- Discretion, especially in groups, is a very valuable yet VERY underused skill.
- Friends made during life-changing experiences are often life-long friends.
- When you have an uplifting, escapism, Joy Rising and/or Bonus Day experience, you’re resetting and refreshing. Look for big and little ways you can do it regularly. It’s so good for you.
- Self-conscious inclinations limit you; try to break free from them, even if little by little.
- Kids whose parents divorce or have some other challenge (in their family or within themselves) could benefit from talking to a professional. There’s no shame in it.
- Energy matters. (“Take responsibility for the energy you bring into this space.” –Jill Bolte Taylor)
- Showing emotion is real and true; it’s not something about which you need to be embarrassed or apologetic.
- When someone gets cancer (or is going through something tough), say, “That’s awful. I care about you. I am thinking of you. How can I help?” Nothing else is needed. And, you can never say “I’m thinking of you” too much to someone who’s facing a challenge.
- Be yourself, openly and with pride and humility. You will encourage others to do the same.
- Quality leadership shows itself in so many intangible ways. You often don’t realize what you have until you don’t; try to be aware and recognize it when you have it, and try to be a contributor to the positive culture and environment.
- Community isn’t a place, but a feeling. It should be synonymous with safety, trust, and connection.
- Honor your friends’ trust.
- Find your person and people – and never forget how incredible it is that you did.
- Traditions and inside jokes can be the best. Know when it’s the right time to bring these out though based on who’s around you.
- When communicating to a group, operate as if everyone is brand-new to the situation. Thinking this way helps you be very clear with the information. Anticipate what will be asked and address that up front. When people know what to expect, they feel safer and more comfortable.
- Manage expectations – for you and for those around you.
- Credibility and respect are earned through honesty, being real, and having a pure agenda on a consistent basis.
- Invest in what matters to you – with your time, resources, and effort. (“Actions express priorities.” –Gandhi)
- Trust your gut. Go with your instincts. (“Doubt means don’t.” –Maya Angelou)
- Give credit where credit is due. (Even to yourself. And when others acknowledge you, being gracious is the best response.) Don’t take credit for something that isn’t yours. Know your role.
- Knowing when it’s time to say goodbye or call an ending takes a lot of maturity and self-awareness. It’s important to know when it’s time to give someone else a chance and/or find out what new opportunity is awaiting you.
- Be careful with the word “but.” When used, most anything said beforehand is not heard.
- We can’t ask people to do things that we aren’t willing to do ourselves, especially as leaders.
- When giving a speech, remember President Franklin Delano Roosevelt’s words: “Be sincere. Be brief. Be seated.”
- Grateful thoughts change my energy, and that means the energy I share with others changes. Gratitude is transformative, and there is always, always, always something for which to be grateful.
- We can do hard things. And if you’re working on something REALLY hard that takes a L O N G time, having the right team around you is essential. Persevering with a team – especially a team embodying mutual respect, hard work, attention to detail, good sense, and good humor – makes persevering the only option even when it feels like it isn’t.
- Be wholehearted and act only in ways that reflect that. People can tell the difference. (“When we put ourselves fully before another, it makes love possible, the stubborn way the land goes soft before the sea.” –Mark Nepo)
- Making time for meditation and mindfulness matters (written by someone who has meditated for 2366* consecutive days!), and it helps us more thoughtfully respond rather than quickly react. And, when we are in the moment – really in the present moment – it deepens connections with others, enhances our experiences, and elevates our thoughts. (“There’s only now / there’s only here…no other path / no other way / no day but today.” –Jonathan Larson) *number of days updated in 2023
- Certainty feels good and safe, and it is a myth. Life is uncertain, and understanding that – even better, embracing it – is important to move through life in a calm and smooth way. We make life harder for ourselves when we do not understand this and when we fight against the uncertainty – and, worse, we can too easily forget the treasured advice from Mary Oliver to “keep some room in your heart for the unimaginable.”
- Grace is available to us at any time, all the time – for ourselves, for each other, all around us – if we keep our hearts, minds, and eyes open and ready to receive it. (“Grace is a power that comes in and transforms a moment to something better.” –Caroline Myss)
- When I eliminate the words “at least” from my vocabulary, I show up with more empathy and caring to the people around me. Whenever I am on the receiving end of these words, they never land well and it feels like the opposite of empathy, even if not intended that way. (“Anything with ‘at least’ is going to be game over.” –Kate Bowler)
- The power of “I am thinking of you” or “I saw this and thought of you” (or anything similar) can’t be overstated. At the least, it brings a smile to the recipient; at the most, it feels like a lifeline. Either way, it’s grace and a good investment of my time – and in the words of a special 91-year-old friend and mentor, “It’s good to be remembered.”
Photos: November 2022, Chesapeake, Maryland; October 2022, on my daily walk
Giving Credit Where Credit Is Due: Writing my original post in March 2015 was inspired by Drew Dudley’s “38 Things I’ve Learned in 38 Years” published in February 2015 (and no longer online).
"Her Voice Goes Up...And People Listen." 
So many good memories. It warms my heart.
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