Encouragement

Encouragement

I’ve been thinking a lot about encouragement and showing up that way for people.

It feels in some ways I’m having some kind of revelation about the importance of this, but I also know that I knew this. I have lived this. I have tried to be this for other people.

Three years ago, we opened a new building at school and at our ribbon cutting ceremony, I gave a speech with five main points: “And the fifth thing that is true: Encouragement is what I’ll remember the most.”

And, I do remember all of the people who showed up with encouragement during that five-year period. I can still picture the handwritten note from the former Board Chair who wished us luck and included a donation to the capital campaign. I remember the parents who took a second whenever they saw me to drop a piece of light: the wows, the congratulations, the looking goods. “Cheering you on” has become something I say to others because of a parent who started writing it to me during that time.

In that same speech where I highlighted encouragement, I said, “I won’t ever forget any of it. And I also won’t forget how much it helped me the next time someone I know is doing something big.”

I don’t think I forgot it, exactly – and I have tried to pay it forward.

And yet, I find myself feeling a bit surprised in 2020 about the value of encouragement and its importance in my life.

In March, when the world changed and we did not know what was happening, I remember receiving two texts. One was from a friend with whom I am not in regular touch: “Sending you positive thoughts and love while you navigate [school] through this difficult situation.” The very next day, from someone in our school community with whom I wasn’t close but knew for many years: “Everyone is leaning towards you for this, that and the other. Thanks for having strong shoulders! I’m praying for your strength and I hope that everything will fall in place and we all will be strong together and supportive and continue to be a strong community.” I felt so touched by these messages, that people thought to reach out to me, that they cared – and they helped me stand a little taller.

These two texts stand out to me now, but I know I received a lot of encouragement during that time. Emails from parents. Notes from friends. Messages from teachers, staff, and board members.

It mattered. It mattered a lot to me.

I remember in the moment wanting to pass that on. I emailed the yoga studio where I take classes and tried to share some of the same light that was shining on me: This is hard, I am benefitting from your tremendous efforts, I appreciate it, I see you reinventing everything you knew, and it matters.

Just like in 2017, I had a renewed sense of not wanting to forget this and wanting to be someone who encourages others.

In September, I had surgery. While the long view is that everything went smoothly, it was unexpected and I was in a lot of pain for, thankfully, a short period of time. The experience was (sometimes still is – healing continues) somewhat isolating, and, again, I was fortunate to hear from so many people. Emails, texts, cards, flowers, other surprises, food. It made me feel less alone, and it helped me.

This was encouragement in a different form, and it mattered. It mattered a lot to me.

About a month after this, my high school English teacher passed away. I had the same English teacher for all four years of high school and for six classes (four English classes and two Writing Workshops). Ms. Wendy Marber became a friend, and we saw each other often throughout the years. On the night I learned that she died, I was thinking about her influence and was struck again by this recurring theme of encouragement.

The most noteworthy story about Ms. Marber encouraging me was when she was telling me I had received a perfect score on a standardized writing test. In a heartbeat, in a non-descript small office off the main hallway of my high school, I saw myself differently. I was A Good Writer. I embraced that. I still do. And I am grateful that Ms. Marber saw this in me. She always encouraged me.

This is encouragement that has made an impact for 23 years. This is powerful.

And last week, before Thanksgiving, I got an email from a friend at school who is the best at encouragement. This wasn’t revelatory, but he never misses an opportunity to tell me he’s rooting for me and wishing me well. I know I am not nearly at his level (yet), but every time he shows up for me, it inspires me to try to do the same for others.  

When we see ourselves the way other people see us, it really lifts us. This is encouragement in its best form, but encouragement can show up in many ways. It can help us find the light in challenging times, and it can help us be the light for others. However encouragement looks – whether personal, specific, or more generic; whether spoken, written, or gifted; whether words or something more tangible – I think it all means the same: I see you, I am thinking of you, I care about you, I know you can do this (whatever this is), I believe in you.

And this matters; I know it for sure.