There is Only Love

There is Only Love

Gretchen Rubin writes about this as one of her twelve commandments in her book, The Happiness Project.  “There is only love” means there is no focusing in on bad traits or actions, no choosing to go to the place of frustration.  It means there is only love.  She talks about this concept coming to her from a friend.  The friend worked for a challenging boss and this is how the friend coped.  This is how the friend survived the difficult situation: she did not engage with negativity surrounding the boss.  There was only love.

I have lived this situation (on the receiving end of NOT love), and I am quick to recognize it when others are going through it.

If we have a boss or a situation beyond our control (magic words) that bothers us, it does us absolutely no good to dwell on it, to discuss it constantly, to be up in arms about it, to be negative all the time about it.  That only hurts US.

There is only love.

If we change our mindset, we can change our perspective.  If something is really bothering you, leave, quit, go.

But, what if you can’t?  What if you need that person/situation/employment in your life?  What if it’s your in-law?  Your boss?  Your neighbor?  Your child’s teacher?  Then, change what you can control: your thoughts, your energy, your actions.

There is only love.

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I am so confused by people who think they can control other people, or who think they can come into a situation and then quickly effect change in a place or organization that has had the same leadership or ideals for a long time.  It’s always possible to be part of effective change if we’re open and if we engage, but it’s not always possible to do it quickly, and it’s rarely possible to do it without respect for the longstanding leadership or traditions in place.  And it never lasts if your purpose is proving someone else was wrong rather than improving the community and organization.  That’s not real.  That’s not sustainable.  And that only hurts you.

It puzzles me to see people wasting their energy on this (even though, admittedly, I do get caught up in it sometimes – although not about my boss).  If you don’t like your boss, you have two options: quit and look for another job, or change the way you view the situation and realize you have no control over your boss.  Literally, no control.  So, why waste so much energy and effort disliking, despising, despairing over this person?  Wouldn’t it be better instead to invest that energy in yourself, in your job performance, in your community, in your family, in your friends, in your world?

It does absolutely no good to zero in on, to dwell on and to overthink things we cannot change, especially if it’s a person or a situation you encounter daily.  What do you accomplish when you do this?  How does it help you?

The correct answers are nothing and it doesn’t.

There is only love.

That helps you.  You accomplish something with love – even if it’s just increased peace of mind for you. It’s not always easy, but it is essential.

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3 thoughts on “There is Only Love

  1. I love this post. Thanks for sharing it, Nic. For folks who really feel like “stuck” I recommend If the Buddah Got Stuck (incidentally endorsed by Marianne Williamson on the back cover). It has really helped me when I’ve noticed negativity dominating my thoughts and actions.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Pingback: Nothing Wrong | "Her Voice Goes Up…And People Listen."

  3. Pingback: Generosity | "Her Voice Goes Up…And People Listen."

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